I spent the other evening out on the back porch, contemplating the mysteries of the universe. This is something that I will occasionally do simply because I am trying to find the answers to those often ask questions that cloud peoples minds from time to time. I also do this in order to stimulate my overactive imagination, and attempt in a feeble way to keep all my creative juices flowing.

While pondering the often ask questions of the universe the other evening, you know the ones that are constantly on everyone’s mind, like, Why don’t I have any money, and Who invented Reality TV, and I Wonder What Oprah’s Is Doing, And What Kind Of tree Does it Take To Grow Fruit Of The Looms, and of course the number one question on everyone’s mind, Why Won’t my Money Tree Grow. This question has bothered me and many others for years. I have watered it, fertilized it, spent extra time to make sure the weeds didn’t grow around it, and even spent many long hours talking to it, and begging it to produce even a small amount of 100 dollar bills. It reminds me of some of the people I know, It just won’t listen.

I don’t fully understand why my money tree won’t grow, because there are some people that create money out of thin air. Everything they touch turns to gold, while everything I touch usually belongs to someone else. I’m not saying life has been tough, but I am saying it sure hasn’t been easy. And If I could go back and change some things in my life I’m sure I would, like most everyone else. I would definitely change my socks and underwear.

But like most of the entire civilized world, money is tight. And in most of my cases non-existent. Which brings us to the old saying that “You have to spend money to make money”.

I thought about this long and hard and decided to completely withdraw my life savings and retirement money and spend it all in one lump sum. Now I’m not thinking of buying a new car or a new house, not at all. I took all of my money and decided to blow the whole thing on a completely nutritious absolutely delicious happy meal. Barely had enough. Good thing I put a little extra in the savings last week.

But while standing in line I overheard a couple in front of me talking about all the money they made the previous week from there investments and stock portfolio’s. Now I am listening and wondering what these folks have that I don’t have. There head wasn’t any bigger, so I am guessing our brains were the same size. They didn’t appear to be any more athletic than me. Of course that might be a problem since I always work out. You have to these days. I have to work out the schedule on the ball games, I have to work out the arrangement of where to put the soda and chips, I have to work out the nap times that I have to take, so I work out a lot. But they were talking astronomical numbers of money by just simply making the right investment moves. They were talking about the interest they received, and how to reinvest for maximum gain and exposure. I quit listening at this point because exposure got my friend in a lot of trouble a few years ago. I didn’t need none of that. However I was interested in how the money suddenly appeared. They were to able to pay for there meals and still have money left over. I on the other hand was sweating bullets while the cashier rang up my order hoping this happy meal didn’t leave me un-happy. In the course of the conversation I overheard one of them talking about Lending Tree. There it was. I knew right away that there was a tree involved. And I’ll bet they had it hid. All of this conversation had my head spinning, and left me with more unanswered cosmic questions. Is The Money Tree, The Tree Of Life? Without money you cant live or is the Money Tree a Figment of My Overworked Imagination, that doesn’t exist at all. Not that my imagination doesn’t exist because I assure you it works non-stop.

Even Though there is a saying “Money Don’t grow On trees” I am quite sure I will never stop searching for it. And am pretty sure I will never find it which means I will never have lots of money. But one thing is for sure, is that I came into this world with what the Good Lord Gave me, which was nothing, I have managed through smart and wise business decisions to hold on to half of it. But for the time being I am going to quit thinking about the money tree and concentrate all of my energies toward solving more important questions such as, Who invites the ants to the picnics, and How do those Keebler elves make all those cookies in one little old stump.

Still brings me to a song written by a friend of mine called…


Terry Wooley

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